Homemaker Spy Log

 I was outside earlier today and noticed a good two dozen robins twittering about. This was rather strange as two days ago it barely got above freezing. Helping my mom out with dad, or, basically just being company and letting her get out of the house so she doesn't go stir crazy reminded me of when the girls were little.   While I was many states away when I had my first child, I remember clearly what a difference it made for me to have my parents in my life and after the birth of my second child how much it helped me on the days mom came over to 'not be alone'.   I felt that distinctly a few days ago.  I wondered if mom felt the same way.  Does it help to not be alone? I can't imagine how many things she has to deal with on a 'today' basis as well as the 'after' basis.  I had asked her to mail something for me (since post boxes seem semi-nonexistent where I live).  She noticed my return address labels and really liked them....

It's amazing how something so simple becomes universally complicated when it involves HR. Example: me wanting to request a leave of absence from work to help my parents out while dad is in his final stages of life. Complication: HR rep telling me this doesn't qualify for FMLA and insinuating I may not have a job if I continue to take time off. Not only did HR person not answer my questions, she then told me I should call our mental health hotline.  Uhm, excuse me?  First off, your degree is in PHOTOgraphy, not PSYCHOlogy.  Second, read FMLA.  I've read it several times and assisting in the care of an ailing parent is listed.  No, you don't get to count my mother as she is in her mid seventies, but thanks for asking. I then called my touch stone, Lester Lou, and cried yet again on her shoulders.  Decided that I should let my direct supervisor know.  Made that call only to receive yet another dig about it being start week, but they're handling it. ...

My dad, Christmas I think, about 2 years ago. It's funny, they say when people are dying that their life flashes before their eyes. What no one seems to talk about is the fact that when someone is dying - the people being left behind often experience something similar. I can't quite recall when dad was diagnosed with congestive heart failure, but I believe it was around 2004.  I can honestly say that I, up until April 2012, really ignored it, sticking my head in the sand, much like an ostrich.  If I didn't acknowledge it, it didn't exist, right? Unfortunately it does exist and dad is already two months past his 'six months' to live. He has been a trouper, a fighter, never quitting and never giving up.  Even as his body is shutting down, in his mind "as soon as his knee feels better" he can go get a hair cut.  Dad is pretty well bed ridden having dizzy spells many times a day.  His hands are cool to the touch often, and his feet have begun...

Having a parent with end stage (insert disease here) is crushing. Eight months ago Dad was given six months to live, you do the math.  His heart is failing, his valves leaking.  He has been having dizzy spells for about five days now and has passed out twice.  The hospice doctors and nurses have told him to stay in bed. Talking to him today was gut wrenching. He went through a period after receiving his 'six months' where he wouldn't even say "I love you". That changed and he started saying it again.  Today was different.  Today he said I love you, and followed it by "I love you very much, Carol".  Was that 'good-bye'? I can't stop crying.  

2012 has been a year of tremendous ups and downs.        The ups have included many get together s with old friends who have become new friends all over again.  It would have been a much harder year without the support and love of so many of you: Allison, Jonna, Colleen, Katrina, Robert, Mark, Kerry, Lori and so many others.  Your undying love and support have been without equal.       Through all the trials and tribulations I have endured with my daughters, my parents, myself and life in general it goes to show you that it does take a village some days just to get through a given day.      While both of my children are intent on sharing their displeasure of me, with me, I have finally come to understand that I raised them to be who they are, even if I don't care for it from time to time.  They must live their lives (with or without me) for now and hopefully one day they will realize that mom...

A huge weight has lifted from my shoulders, at least for the next 30 days. Teenager is in Missouri visiting her dad and his family. 30 days of not having to worry about whether or not she's pregnant, sneaking out of the house, or doing drugs. 30 days of not hearing "what's for dinner" the second I walk in the door from work. 30 days of not finding dishes all over the house from late night/early morning snacks. I hope she has fun. I hope she stays safe. I hope she calls and says: I want to live with dad. He deserves a turn. Love, me

Found out that brother in law has invited everyone to his 'new' home in VA for Thanksgiving. Thank you, no. Why would I want to spend the time/money to visit someone who couldn't come to our wedding? In other news, might be going to Las Vegas the week after Thanksgiving. While it's doubtful it would be warm enough to spend hours by the pool and soaking up the sun, it would be a pretty cheap getaway.